Bite Size
by Child of a Pineapple
Summary: FINISHED 'Okay, Fullmetal, let me get this straight. I send you out on an excruciatingly simple mission – and you manage to practically get your good arm chewed off.' OneShot.


So…this is the first FMA fanfiction that I've posted, and I'm a little bit nervous, even though I'm no stranger to the series, or this site.

On with it then. Okay, this may seem irrelevant at first, but I was bitten by a stray cat over the weekend. It was pretty bad, and started to get infected, so I'm on antibiotics and all that. Anyway, as I was getting my blood drawn and undergoing a number of other equally less than fun things, I consoled myself by thinking, _it could have been worse_. For instance, I could have been bitten by, say…a chimera. Thus, this story was born.

**DISCLAIMER** – I do not own Full Metal Alchemist—quite obviously, although I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a few of the more attractive guys on the show. This is a one shot, without pairings.

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**Bite Size**

"Okay, Fullmetal, let me get this straight. I send you out on an excruciatingly simple mission – track down a rogue alchemist operating out of _his mother's basement_ – and you manage to practically get your good arm chewed off. Did I leave anything out?"

The tone was smug, cocky, arrogant, and typical of one Roy Mustang.

"How about the part where I stopped the guy?" the younger, blonde alchemist retorted, glaring daggers at the colonel. "And I didn't get my arm chewed off. The bite's not even that bad."

"It's a chimera bite," Roy countered. "Do you have any idea what could have been living in its mouth?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "It's not a big deal." He held up his human hand, as if in proof. There were six deep puncture wounds in all, as if from fangs; the area immediately around each wound was bright red and swollen. Roy sighed and shook his head.

"You should keep that covered," Al piped up. "It could get infected."

"It's not going to get infected." Ed scowled, but replaced the blood-stained towel all the same. "See, it's bleeding. That cleans out the bacteria."

Al didn't seem too convinced, but his protests were interrupted by the arrival of first Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

She assessed the situation in all of two seconds. Edward, his arm wrapped in a bloody towel, Al hovering nervously over his shoulder, and Roy, watching the pair with a carefully controlled expression.

"What happened?"

"It seems Fullmetal here is a tasty chimera treat," Roy quipped, glancing over to his subordinate. "He's lucky it didn't just eat him – he's so small it probably could have swallowed him in one bite."

Ed's face flushed with anger. "Who are you calling so short he's bite size!"

Roy smirked. "You're right. He'd still be hungry afterwards."

By now Riza had moved to Ed's side and pulled away the towel, distracting him from the argument at hand. She noted the way he turned away from the wound, choosing to glare at the floor instead.

"You should get this looked at," she advised. "Bites like this are even worse than they look."

Al nodded fervently. "That's what I said, but he wouldn't listen to me."

"I already told you, Al. I'm not going to the doctor over some stupid bite."

"What kind of chimera was it?" Roy questioned, redirecting the young alchemist's attention.

"The ugly kind," Ed snipped sarcastically. "I don't know, it was half cat, half something else. I didn't pay much attention after it started gnawing on me."

"Well, you should still get it checked out." Roy's eyes suddenly narrowed. "Do you know how much paperwork I'll have to fill out when you die?"

"Do I care?"

"Hospital, Fullmetal." Roy nodded towards the door. "That's an order."

Even as Al ushered him out of the office, Ed kept up his protests. It wasn't until the door shut that Roy sighed, shaking his head. "Kid can't seem to keep himself in one piece."

Riza smiled, but clicked her tongue. "Of course not – that would make things easier on the both of you." She extended a manila folder. "I supposed you might as well get started on the hospital forms."

Roy grudgingly took them and pulled out a pen. "Stupid brat." He trailed off into a string of muttered curses, as Riza slipped out the door to check on Mustang's favorite alchemist.

**END**

**3:40 PM**

**3/16/06**

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Yep…and that's it. Not too long, but that wasn't the point. I love non-slash interaction between Ed and Roy, so I figured I might as well write some.

Please review!

**Child of a Pineapple**


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